phoenix

I’m sorry, but I can’t.
I can’t even let you finish excitedly spouting the invitation.
Because I’m drowning.

I’ve got TOO much to do, to take care of, and none of it makes me HAPPY. I think it does. But it’s sucking the life out of me. I have to say NO to the things that may possibly bring me peace and joy because the world will burn if I don’t fulfill all I’ve willingly (even sometimes forcefully) put on my plate.

But I’m starting to feel it.

The fire is dying.

It’s me.

I’m terrified that I won’t be able to warm all of those I’ve taken under my wings if my fire burns out.

But there’s something new there.

And I'm so scared of the new feeling I view it almost like a suicidal thought…”what if I quit lighting myself on fire, let them learn to create their own warmth, and allow myself to rise from the ashes?” But is it a suicidal thought if it’s only a version of myself I kill?

It’s scary…but I kinda like it…

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Thanks, you beautiful Phoenix you!