What The fuck is
people pleasing addiction anyway?
The name seems pretty self-explanatory right? But so much goes unsaid in a name. A thing that hides in the smiling selfies of its victims while systematically breaking them down...is like a hat on a turd. Sure! Now you have something to call it, Chad or Topher perhaps. But it doesn’t tell you where it came from or how to clean it up.
So let’s cut the shit with the cute names and call People Pleasing what it really is; a behavioral addiction. In this behavioral addiction, like others, a dopamine hit is the fix. But how that fix is acquired isn’t as obvious. It’s not an orgasm. It’s not a royal flush. It’s not a new pair of shoes. It’s not another nip-tuck. It’s not a digital killshot. It’s not a dozen glazed donuts. It’s controlling our loved one’s perception of us. The desperate need to be liked and loved makes the thought of our image cast in an unflattering light simply unbearable.
“Did she say ‘our’?” Yup. Hi! I’m Ahdri and People Pleasing is my addiction. I was raised a Pleaser and didn’t realize until I was 30 years old that it was killing me. Those who knew me scoffed at the idea that I could be a weak little yes-man. And they’d be right. I wasn’t a timid mouse who couldn’t say “No.” I was a Rockstar with a loud mouth and a huge heart. Ironically prime tools to mask a crippling need for approval. So well that even I fell for it. “It’s who I am!” I would say when questioned about my obvious overextension of myself for the benefit of others.
“I don’t give a fuck what people think of me.” was my version of a junkie’s “I can quit anytime I want.” And like a junkie I woke up one day lost, disgusted, emotionally exhausted, energetically drained, broke, and fucking angry. I had completely lost myself. A 30yr old who couldn't remember her favorite color. So many years wasted saying “Sure!” when my soul was screaming “No!” So many years spent manipulating others perceptions of me that I forgot to create and nurture my own identity. 30yrs old and just a tired-ass stranger to myself.
But unlike a junkie my addiction, on the surface, benefited those around me. Leaving me completely unsupported in my search for recovery, and because I wasn’t the quivering flower example of codependency and enabling, I found a resounding lack of resources. But I refused to cover this toxic wound, now open, with cute girly band-aids ('cuz this isn't just a "girl problem"!!!), a sassy quotable mug from Target, and motivational memes as if People Pleasing Addiction were nothing more than a female stereotype or personality trait. (MEN! Check out "Recovering the Modern Man"!) I decided to take it seriously and get...fucking...better.
For years I worked hard. I researched. Severed relationships. I grew. And in the end I created. I developed The People Pleasers Autonomous™ Method; a recovery program for all People Pleasing Addicts. I launched an entire movement around PPA culture and behavioral addiction. I created The Whimsical Rebel Podcast. And my first book is due for release Spring 2020.
But before I ever helped the first human set and hold boundaries with the same love and devotion that got her into this mess I had to establish the People Pleasing Identities to recover from. Four years ago I asked myself, “So if I’m not a mouse, what am I?” On that day the People Pleaser Type Quiz was born. The rest is history, but will it be yours?
Once you've got (and duh, share lol) you're results, dive into the world of PPA Recovery and find out what would be the best fit for you!